


Deathlessness

by bitt



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Future Fic, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Italics, POV Third Person, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 08:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitt/pseuds/bitt
Summary: Gems could live forever, but sometimes they didn’t want to.





	Deathlessness

She is very old, now. By Earth standards she has been very old for most of her lifetime, but Earth standards are nothing to her.

_Pearl sits on the wet grass, in a clearing surrounded by trees. It is peaceful._

Objectively, her happiness was a very short period of time. By anyone’s standards, but especially her own. She carried now the burden of knowing that no matter how long she lasted, she would never feel as loved or as important as she once did, so many years ago.

_The sounds of the forest calm her, and she feels at ease. There is nothing here that can harm her._

It was two periods of happiness, both marred by sudden inescapable agony at the very end. The first with Rose; the war was terrible, but memories of the time after were what kept her going, even now. She had never known that she, a rather unimpressive Pearl, could feel so wonderfully loved. Rose was perfect, and how could She love someone as small and flawed as Pearl? 

_In the distance, she watches a deer eat bark off a tall oak. It’s a mother deer, with a fawn in tow. They see her, but don’t seem to mind being watched. They don’t sense malice in her._  

Rose loved everyone and everything. That was what eventually hurt Pearl, of course, but at first it gave her strength. That love made her feel like a part of something much bigger, much more profound. It granted her purpose, and she would never stop thanking Rose for that. Feeling that she had a purpose helped her get through the end of Rose.

_A drop of cold rain lands on her exposed shoulder. She acknowledges it, but doesn’t move. She keeps her eyes on the deer. They must be so hungry, to eat bark. The grass is soft and sweet, why aren’t they eating that?_

When Rose went off with That Human, or This Human, or Any Damn Human She Pleased, Pearl was jealous. It wasn’t a jealousy that engulfed her, because she knew that Rose always came back to her. Pearl told herself, often, _Rose loves me, She loves me, She will always come back to me because She loves me best._ It became a mantra, repeated in the early morning hours when the beach was silent, save for the soft waves that sounded like the entire ocean was laughing. _She loves me best._

_“Silly deer,” she says, but her words are for only herself. She worries for them. They continue with the bark until the doe hears something from further away, far from Pearl._

Until Greg. There were humans who Pearl could admit were striking, but Greg was forgettable. Even after spending a great deal of time with him, Pearl couldn’t recall much of what he looked like. Some man, rather bland, rather dull. She no longer hated him, and in fact had grown to like him just fine in the years where their lives collided. But she is very old, and Greg has been dead for much longer than she’d known him.

_The fawn seemed to tremble._

She was hurt by Rose going with Greg, abandoning her, finally. She couldn’t believe it, and yet.

_No, the fawn was_ certainly _trembling._

And yet of course it happened. Of course Rose came to her senses and stopped loving a silly little Pearl. 

_The mother stepped in front of her child, shielding them from the source of the noise. Deer were skittish, weren’t they?_  

Amethyst helped her, then. Helped her feel less worthless, if only for a while. They were lovers, eventually, and then they stopped. Later, they were lovers again. Back and forth they went, never clear about anything. It hurt to think about, but it hurt more to try forgetting.

_“Come here,” Pearl whispers, “come here and let me help you.” She wants so badly to calm the doe and fawn, she knows they cannot understand her but still she speaks. “Please. Please, come here."_

When Steven came, Pearl was angry, jealous again, could barely handle it. As he grew older, she grew to adore him. He became her sun and stars, though she could never truly separate him from Rose in some back alley of her mind. Pearl knew that Steven resented that, but she didn’t know until long after knowing would have helped. That’s something she can’t forgive herself for still. One of many things she carries.

_Pearl hears the noise, then. A gnawing, a gnashing, a sound she knew all too well._

She had even less time with Steven. He lived much longer than humans typically did, and much shorter than gems. When the Crystal Gems had finally won, had finally beaten Homeword and disbanded, he had a good life. Pearl always doubted that it was happy, but he insisted. He always knew when she was upset, and for that she thanked him.

_She steps forward._

When he finally died, Pearl was a wreck. She couldn’t comfort herself, and couldn’t bring herself to comfort anyone else, either. She and Amethyst fought constantly, something they hadn’t done in decades. Everything was so difficult. It was like losing Rose all over again, but knowing that Steven didn’t have a choice in the matter of his leaving hurt even more than Pearl expected. They hadn’t even known if he _could_ die, in the human way.

_There it was, creeping between the trees. Roaring like fire, moving like fire, but a Creature, a Thing. How did it reach her forest? She’d secured the barrier a hundred times._

Three thousand years passed without Steven, and much longer without Rose. Even Pearl, an excellent timekeeper, had lost count. What was the point anymore?

_Her forest was all she had now; she’d be damned before she let it be destroyed._

She hadn’t spent all three thousand years alone, just most of them. She loved a handful of humans, with their pitifully short lives, and their soft skin. Human women were not as beautiful as gems, but some came close. Not to say that beauty was their only redeeming quality, but it was often what drew her to them.

_But… as the Creature approached the deer, she wondered. What was the point of holding on anymore? Her friends were gone, either dead or missing, and she’d isolated herself for such a long time._

But she hadn’t felt love in a long time, now. She boxed up the parts of herself that felt and shoved them away.

_The Creature, its skin a dazzling red-orange-yellow that seemed to crackle and spark as it moved, reared up on its hideous hide legs. The other four legs reached skyward, ready to come down and crush the mother and her child before the gaping, many-toothed mouth devoured them._

It was a different world. Most of Earth was barren, and the planet seemed to be revolting against her inhabitants. In the past, Pearl would be fighting this. She would have waged war on whatever it was that killing humans, even if it was a force of nature. But she was old now, and very tired.

_“I’ll kill this one,” she says, “and that will be it.”_

_Her sword slices its monstrous head off in an instant. Its blood, boiling hot, falls upon her and she despises what she has become. These things, these creatures, they were no different from the deer. They were new, and they were violent, but they were animals. Could they even comprehend violence?_

_She walks slowly to the deer, but they run from her. She has revealed herself as a potential danger._

_Pearl washes the blood from herself and finds another clearing to sit in._

_The next time will be the last time._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks i love you


End file.
